Cheers to Kindness
June 2023
Two weeks have passed since my middle son’s college graduation. Reflecting back on our time in Chicago, our weekend was filled with love, pride, tinges of sadness, and an inordinate amount of laughter. For me, what stood out most was the thread of kindness that was woven into the fabric of our celebration.
It began with our wonderful friends, whose kindness knows no bounds and who have become Eitan’s surrogate family for the past four years. Whether it was opening up their home to us each time we visited Chicago, preparing delicious, abundant meals, planning fun, interesting activities, or voluntarily joining us at both graduation ceremonies (if you’ve ever sat through university graduations, you know that this is indeed friendship!), the depth of their kindness is truly immeasurable.
As we sat in Ryan Field, feeling the chill in the air and the cold metal of the bleachers, I texted our friends, asking if they could bring some extra blankets. Thirty minutes later, they showed up not only with blankets, but also with seat cushions, and stadium chairs — with back support! As my Dad quipped, “I didn’t think we could love them anymore… but they just moved up another rung!”
Kindness and generosity overflowing.
Coincidentally, this theme of kindness was highlighted in the commencement speech delivered by Illinois governor, JB Pritzker, who structured his talk around borrowed wisdom from the popular TV show, The Office, using four guiding principles:
1) Be more substance than show
2) Set aside cruelty for kindness
3) Put one foot in front of the other, even when you don’t know your way
4) And always, always try and appreciate the good ole’ days when you’re actually in them.
Pritzker’s message was full of humor, insight, personal stories, and acumen. I was particularly partial to his second point in which he stressed the importance of kindness and explained how being kind and compassionate requires a more evolved state of being, because we are moving ourselves past our most primal instincts. Pritzker continued, “Over my many years in politics and business, I have found one thing to be universally true –
the kindest person in the room is often the smartest.”
Amen to that!
My final kindness observation involved Eitan’s girlfriend. We were talking about some of the less flattering photos that had been taken during the course of the weekend, when she shared that she and her close friends have a posting policy: “No one can post a photo of anyone else unless everyone agrees and likes the picture.” I have noticed plenty of pictures on social media where this kind of posting policy does not appear to be followed. I thought to myself, “Those are the kind of friends I want my children to have, ones who are kind and thoughtful, ones who check in with each other to ensure that they all feel comfortable with what gets shared.”
It’s not just about wanting one’s self to look good;
it’s about wanting your friends to look good, too.
One of my favorite quotes, “kindness is more important than wisdom,” hung on my kitchen window for many years. It is a value I hope to have instilled into my kids. Growing up, I remember hearing those aphorisms, “nice guys finish last,” or “don’t be too kind — people will walk all over you.” I never really liked them, or believed them to be true. To me, kindness is one of the most important values and one that is so lacking in our world. It sounds cliché, but I just wish that people would be kind to one another. I remember one of my professors in rabbinic school signed her emails with
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.”
Can you imagine how much kinder our world would be if we responded to each other with this level of understanding and care?
There are those in my community who do respond with this level of care every day. One of the kindest people I know is Laura Reiss, who created a kindness movement called Kindness Matters 365. In her heart and soul, Laura knows the importance of kindness and the immense need for it. Her organization “delivers innovative programs to support the well-being of kids and teens. Grounded in the principles of Social Emotional Learning (SEL), Kindness Matters 365 teaches kids self-awareness, self-navigation, empathy, a growth mindset, and a dedication to service-learning.”
I feel so blessed to be surrounded by such kind, caring, loving family members, friends, and community members.
Thank YOU for being part of my community.
We know that it takes a village to live successfully and happily in our world. How do you think we can be kinder to one another? What can you do to help spread kindness? Hit respond to share your thoughts with me; I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time,
Amy
**With thanks to Adam Grant for posting the above graphic (illustrated by Daniel Abrahams).
